I’ve been seeing a good man since I moved to city this summer season. From the start, he has been very desirous about the truth that I’ve a twin sister. (She doesn’t stay right here.) When he invited me to spend Christmas together with his household, he invited me to carry my twin. After I mentioned she couldn’t make it, he informed me his mother was anxious about having too many individuals on the home whereas Omicron surged. He requested if I might come one other time. My good friend says he’s clearly a creep with a factor for twins. Your ideas?
A.M.
If my associate have been a twin, I’d be desirous about his expertise and ask questions on it. Having a twin is a huge a part of your life, proper? I additionally consider that his mom’s concern about Omicron was well-placed and possibly had nothing to do together with your sister’s R.S.V.P.
But frankly, it makes no distinction what I (or your good friend) suppose. Talk to your boyfriend for those who’re involved that his curiosity in your twin is unhealthy. So far, although, I haven’t heard any proof of it.
About Last Night’s Dinner …
For a number of years now, my husband has been 100% accountable for dinner. He outlets, cooks and cleans up afterward. I like it! The drawback: Cooking is a inventive outlet for him. He likes to experiment and infrequently follows recipes, which regularly results in meals I don’t like. Occasionally, they’re downright unpalatable. I’ve tried dropping hints about how a lot I like the old style dishes I ate as a baby. He continues to experiment, although. And the pandemic has meant that we eat at residence extra continuously, which provides him much more time to attempt new issues. Any recommendation?
WIFE
It appears odd to me that you simply’re tiptoeing round your husband like this, “dropping hints” moderately than talking to him immediately about your meals. If I have been a betting man, I’d wager that it is because you don’t need to upset the present division of labor in your family. You merely need your husband to behave extra like a short-order prepare dinner.
Unfortunately, that’s not how this works. As the resident shopper and prepare dinner at my home, I can report that it’s not a barrel of enjoyable repeating my (restricted) repertoire of meals night time after night time. The unstated cut price at your home could also be that your husband is keen to imagine whole accountability for dinner (together with cleanup!) so long as he can prepare dinner freely.
If you need this to vary, converse up! Tell your husband you respect his exhausting work, however you’d wish to eat extra merely. Give him an concept of the dishes you’d want and ask for those who may also help him. Now, clipping his wings (and probably his pleasure) like this may increasingly result in a bigger dialogue about division of labor — or your husband could also be open to compromise and particular requests. No threat, no reward!
Damage Control
Our new neighbors by chance backed their automotive into ours whereas we have been parked on the road. They came to visit instantly to apologize and provides us their insurance coverage info. We assured them it was not a huge deal and informed them we’d report it to our insurance coverage firm. The subsequent day, they dropped off vacation cookies, a bottle of wine and a card with $100 inside it. We really feel uncomfortable with the money. Their insurance coverage firm is overlaying the injury, and our automotive continues to be drivable. Would it’s impolite to return the $100?
EMILY
I agree that the money was a clumsy — although in all probability well-intentioned — addition to their holiday-slash-apology present basket. And although it’s typically extra beneficiant to easily settle for the unusual items individuals give us, right here, I wouldn’t. Taking money units an odd tone to your relationship together with your new neighbors.
Send a thank-you word for the cookies and wine and return the money. Tell them you respect the gesture, however their insurance coverage is overlaying the invoice. Then push previous the accident into new terrain: Invite them for a glass of wine (if you are able to do that safely) or maybe a stroll across the neighborhood for those who’d wish to know them higher.
Ding!
I’ve develop into pleasant with a lady in my condo constructing. Occasionally, we meet up for purchasing or different actions. She at all times has her cellphone together with her and checks each beep, ding and alert, typically interrupting our dialog. She is particularly targeted on texts from her grownup daughter who has a husband, job and pals of her personal. Her conduct makes me really feel unimportant and drives me batty, however I don’t really feel like I can say something. Thoughts?
FRIEND
If your good friend have been stepping in your toe repeatedly, you’d inform her it damage, proper? So, why can’t you say: “It hurts my feelings when you interrupt our conversations to check your phone.”
I get that the prospect of battle is difficult for some individuals. But the true drawback right here is just not your good friend’s cellphone (or her attachment to her grownup daughter). It’s your perception that you simply’re not entitled to make cheap requests. What type of friendship is that?
For assist together with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
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