‘Enchanted Forest’ frosh formal renamed ‘Enchanted Commercial Agriculture Zone’

This previous week, the Stanford Class of 2025 ready to partake in a beloved campus custom: the annual Frosh Formal. While the Frosh Council initially deliberate the formal’s theme to be “Enchanted Forest,” particular curiosity teams within the agricultural trade supplied to hedge the monetary value of the formal in change for representatives’ promise to re-theme the formal as “Enchanted Commercial Agriculture Zone.”

The unlikely partnership emerged a number of weeks in the past, as representatives of Frosh Council had been scrambling to boost sufficient cash to cowl the hefty prices of catering and decor. Fake shrubs and evergreen decorations, important for any forest-themed occasion, had been notably costly. Frosh Council representatives started emailing alumni, asking for donations or monetary help.

By a stroke of luck, Gretchen Woods ‘83, the public relations coordinator for Global Farming Industries, co., responded with an offer. Global Farming would donate $4,000 to Stanford’s Frosh Formal planning efforts, with just one string connected — that the occasion’s theme “reflected Global Farming Industries’ values and mission for change in the 21st century.”

“This partnership is helping to dismantle harmful anti-agricultural stigma by aestheticizing productivity and industry as a force for change,” defined Woods, who personally really useful swapping the formal’s tree-lined entry for an upscaled cattle headgate. “Everyone thinks forests are dreamy, but until you stand in the middle of acres of soybeans and picture the two or three beautiful cattle that they will feed, you don’t know what you’re missing.”

Students throughout campus, together with Frosh Council representatives, have expressed their views on the formal’s new theme.

“Forests are just so 2008,” identified Frosh Council consultant Ellen Wright ’25, who has spearheaded the group and planning of the formal. “With the disappearance of millions of hectares of forest per year, dancing under stars and utility tractor attachments is just a more hip and fresh take.”

“There’s also the added bonus of donated decorations,” added fellow consultant Danny Luong ’25, whereas securing leftover fertilizer sprayers in a bouquet-like association on a close-by desk. 

Environmental activist teams on campus have launched statements criticizing Frosh Council’s partnership with Global Farming, calling it a “dangerous precedent” which “romanticizes environmental degradation and deforestation” catalyzed by cattle farming and agriculture on the planet’s quickly shrinking forests. Nevertheless, representatives of Frosh Council insist that the transfer was the one cost-effective choice at their disposal. “The only danger here is dangerously lit moo [sic],” stated Wright.

Editor’s Note: This article is solely satirical and fictitious. All attributions on this article should not real, and this story must be learn within the context of pure leisure solely.