My brother and I had been shut as youngsters. We’d drifted some by the time I got here out as a lesbian in school. Now, we primarily see one another at our dad and mom’ home. Still, my brother has met my spouse (of three years) and our toddler son a number of occasions. He and his spouse simply had a child. I’m blissful for them! The drawback? He invited me to the child’s baptism however requested me to go away my spouse and son at dwelling. He stated his spouse’s household could be very spiritual and doesn’t approve of my marriage. This is an enormous drawback, clearly. I would like to help my brother, if potential. Is there any approach I can attend this baptism?
Celebrating your brother’s household shouldn’t require you to act as if yours doesn’t exist. I get that you really want to help your brother. But your worth as an individual is equal to his. Your household is as valuable as his. And my job right here, as I see it, is to encourage you to refuse any lesser characterization.
Now, I don’t know your brother. He might have spoken thoughtlessly or buckled beneath stress from his spouse or in-laws. Frankly, I don’t care about them or their bigotry. My concern is for you. I don’t imagine you’ll be able to respect your spouse and son (or your self!) and settle for your brother’s demeaning invitation.
This might run counter to your function as household peacekeeper, however I recommend congratulating your brother, then telling him you discovered his exclusionary invitation hurtful. Add that you simply’d like to get your households collectively when he might be respectful of yours. Until then, encompass your self with individuals who help you. You deserve it!
Cashing In on a Crash
Ten years in the past, my father’s automobile wanted repairs. He was considering of shopping for a brand new one. Since I used to be about to purchase a automobile, I gave him my outdated one. I used to be keen to quit the trade-in worth of my automobile, so I transferred the title to my father. He drove the automobile till not too long ago when one other driver brought on an accident that totaled it. (My father wasn’t harm.) The insurance coverage firm despatched him a test for $4,000. My query: Who is entitled to that cash — not legally, however morally?
Unless you think about that presents are incorrect or momentary, I don’t see the ethical or moral dimension right here. In truth, there’s in all probability a stronger ethical argument for grownup kids doing extra to pay again their dad and mom than giving them occasional hand-me-down presents — not that our dad and mom would need that.
You gave your father a automobile. Your curiosity in it terminated, in each sense, when the reward was full. It turned your father’s automobile: He maintained it, insured it and put gasoline in it for 10 years. When it was totaled, he was solely entitled to the $4,000. Your reward was beneficiant. Don’t muck it up by being grabby now.
It’s My Apartment, Too!
My boyfriend and I share a small condo in San Francisco. I’m in graduate faculty, work part-time and likewise intern. My associate has many pals who stick with us once they go to. I can’t stand it! The condo will get loud and messy. They sleep on the couch and take over the condo, and there’s often partying. I’ve steered to my boyfriend that his pals may keep at Airbnbs close by, however he feels responsible as a result of they’ll’t afford it. (Also, he genuinely needs to put them up.) Thoughts?
If you and your boyfriend had been simply roommates, I might contend that you’ve the proper to veto sofa surfers. Since you’re additionally a pair, although, and your mutual happiness impacts your relationship, I recommend on the lookout for a compromise that you would be able to each settle for (even when somewhat begrudgingly). Start by asking your boyfriend to be extra respectful of your workload and the higher toll these visits tackle you.
Then attempt to unfold the price of holiday makers extra evenly. As it’s, you’re the just one who feels inconvenienced. Perhaps your boyfriend can share the price of Airbnb leases with some guests. Ask him to restrict his company to shut pals solely. And collectively, set a goal variety of guests per 12 months.
Did You Get My Card?
I’ve despatched greeting playing cards these days to varied acquaintances for a fiftieth marriage ceremony anniversary, an ex’s birthday and a “get well soon” scenario. Each one required a visit to the card store, choosing from dozens of choices and writing a private be aware. None of the recipients responded. I’m upset. What’s the protocol for responding to greeting playing cards?
It’s form of you to ship playing cards to folks letting them know you’re enthusiastic about them. The guidelines of politeness don’t usually require responses to greeting playing cards, although recipients can actually attain out by cellphone or textual content. Since the time you put money into shopping for the playing cards appears to be your primary concern, perhaps swap to notes on stationery if in case you have some. (Mine is generally gathering mud as of late!)
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